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The Beaded Tapestry

Exploring the writing and inspirations of Elisa Weeber

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Tree of Art

A collection of my art projects from the last few months.

Letters from Victoria – Letter 48

Dear Annalis,

Such a jumble of emotions travel through my brain as I complete the final Equine entry, drawing to a close this amazing journey I have traveled with the creature. It is heartbreaking on one hand, having no longer a means of contact, but also the anguish felt by the creature when it describes its encounters. It is not the dark ending I envisioned, but it leaves so many questions unanswered that I was left motionless as I held the journal at the last page. I turned to my newest rendition and screamed in frustration at the painted image. There is a part of me that wishes I had never started this conversation, but I know there must be a reason. The leaps in time the Equine relates are very confusing, similar to skipping back and forth between the pages of a history book. It did seem to me these last notes pertain to the Flynn Foundation satellite. I have never thought of that amount of suffering concentrated in one area and the type of aura it would emit, but I suppose a creature that is so apathetic would be drawn to it.

I am trying to grasp what the world was like where the Equine originated from. It seems as hard for me to imagine, as it was for the Equine to accept ours. I think of how difficult it was for me to adjust to this new planet. It must have been mind altering to be pushed into another continuum, with no hope of returning. I am no expert on theoretic studies, but this seems an area of investigation for them. I cannot wait to hear your thoughts and conclusion in regards to the Equine Conversations. Your scientific and analytical mind will pick out much more information than my emotional view. I see only the pain and elation reflected from these pages. You will see the empirical proof and the theoretical possibilities the Equine is relating. Whatever the creature is attempting to tell me, it is now at an end. I know it would beneficial in my understanding, to read through the entries again in full, but I do not think I could endure it again. So much raw information stains my creative endeavors. Anyway, it is time to move on to the next step in my own story. As I look up into the sky at the suspended creature, I realize we are now part of the same tale, traveling in time and space now in synchronicity.

Love,

Victoria

Letters from Victoria- Letter 47

Dear sister,

My plans to complete the final study of the Equine journal were abruptly halted by an unavoidable event. I deviated from my normal routine and did not begin the day with my run and meditative contemplation of the creature. I sat down in my reading nook immediately after arising with the journal in my lap open to the final pages. What follows are the few passages I was able to transcribe before I was drawn outside away from my task. I will let you judge whether I was justified in my neglect of this relevant charge.

Echoes of energy and vibrations propagate through the carriers of this continuum. They remain elusive, hovering in the back of her view, haunting her with things she can no longer encounter. She comes to the realization that these remnants are distant and unattainable. The ability and window to revisit her former life are no longer within her sphere. It is difficult to grasp this concept since it was once a core focus of her existence and acceptance of this loss does not come without despair. Her domicile has ceased to exist and no matter how much her ability to manipulate this current location has increased she is unable to repair that total oblivion.

Her study continues to delve deeper and deeper into the dark unreturnable tunnel of these findings before she pulls away to resurface in her present reality. The process of maintaining and controlling her structure creates an alternative to these destructive investigations and distracts her from the disturbing aspects of her new home. She avoids any further impressions this distorted cosmos attempts to produce in her, choosing instead to view all that surround her with an unbiased analyses. The familiarity of her once dense existence is missing, leaving in its place the exposed atmosphere of an infinite plane. She strives to make no comparison between the two, but fails completely as she observes the space stretching out in all direction creating a desire for her once compact life. Growing instability in her logic threatens to overtake her process as her sensors search for the once protective barrier that supplied direction. Its absence is unnerving and the gentle tides of particles are insufficient to alleviate the overwhelming fear and agoraphobic impression sneaking into the gaps in her logic. The deprivation of cohesion here gives her a sense of chaos. She pulls her contemplative systems away from the distorted views allowing only the logic function to view her outer surroundings.

Instead she turns her benevolent contemplation inward, analyzing her own composition and the changes that have occurred during her transference. She seeks the normalcy that was once her dense mass, ordered and symmetrical. That form is now forfeited, exchanged for an entropic haze with no direction. She focuses her attention on one of the wayward pieces and gives a slight nudge, allowing its fluctuations to settle on a harmonic frequency matching with that of her dwindled core. The particle stabilizes into a steady state and locks itself into a structured pattern. The action creates a cascading effect, propagating through her erratic matter, aligning each discord into a structure melody echoing within the confines of her mass. Full octaves, chords and single notes send incantation traveling once more down her inner pathways. Functions solidity exponentially allowing the analytical process of her computing systems to once again take over.

She turns her study outward, melding cognitive functions with her analytical processes still viewing the outer space. Her stabilized structure now able to negate the fear, using logic instead to study this strange existence with full cognizant functions. The analytical system takes domination allowing her to view her surroundings without emotion. She studies the myriads of filaments traveling around her now functional form. The ease of her own transformation prompts her curiosity pertaining to the material traveling outside her own sphere. Without dwelling on the consequences, she gently prods a passing filament, one that has yet to determine its function. She combines one of her own harmonic particles to the confused piece, letting it break from her own matrix and travel away to meet the passing filament. There is a violent reaction as the chaotic piece resists the frequency of her own music. A new type of element emerges from the violence and moves away from her vicinity, searching for a place to propagate. She marvels at this newly discovered ability and searches for a new target.

These last words echo through my head as I rise from my seat, drawn outside by an assiduous compulsion. Proxima is just peaking above the horizon and a dense haze grips the ground, remnants of the previous evening storm. My gaze is drawn upward as always and I see the Equine suspended, my ever present companion, in the lightening sky. Soft feathers extend from the right side of the creature’s structure, blurring the once sharp outline of its limbs. I at once envision a butterfly, its wings fluttering in an attempt to remain anchored to it flowery perch. The flow of the Equine toward a new space has accelerated. I only now have to contemplate on what this means.

I continue to stare at this long expected occurrence, knowing it was destined to happen but still in denial. I am not certain what drew me outside but you can forgive my neglect of the dream journal. I do not find it coincidental that I was pulled away from completing its pages. I will give in to this delay and return to my daily routine. The journal seems at times a guide to my experience here and I feel the need to follow.

I have now come full circle at last, catching up with myself on Earth. Whatever the Equine has in store for me from this point forward will be an unknown. Strangely I am not afraid. It is now an endeavor I welcome.

Love

Victoria

A Journey through the Mushroom Forest

Magical hours tramping through the incredible variety of mushroom. Taking a short break from editing my completed manuscript. Now the hard part. Finding a publisher.

Letters from Victoria- Letter 46

Dear Annalis,

I have just brought to a close my third week with Nikolas and by the end was able to resume the wondrous activities the complex had to offer. I was unaware Nikolas shared my interest in fitness and he joined me on my daily runs. His pace is quite a bit faster than my own since he is fully acclimated to the higher altitude and has significantly longer limbs, but I have risen to the challenge as this plays into my competitive nature. I normally prefer my runs to be a solo activity, but for both the competitive and reclusive side of my nature the activity has done wonders for my recovery. By the end of my visit I had fallen into a daily routine, stabilizing my physical as well as mental health with normality. I am amazed how quickly my system adjusted to the conditions and by the end I was able to match my running duration and speed with that of my desert statistics. This was opportune since the daily culinary meditations with Nikolas would quickly have changed my physique had I not created a counter balance. The evening rituals were not always as elaborate compared to those first two experiences, but they remained a focal point of my daily litany. Nikolas included a few lessons, allowing me to handle his precious utensils during my attempts to duplicate his instructions. I do not think I could ever come close to reproducing any of his amazing creations, but at least my meals will be more palpable when I return to the studio.

It was a bleak day when my visit came to a close. Water dripped from the eaves of the complex and mist shrouded the entire top of the cliff side robbing me of a final glimpse of the Equine from this vantage point. To relieve this disappointment, I made one final visit to the amphitheatre, filling my system with the soothing vibration, saying farewell to the wondrous experience before my departure. I will miss Nikolas, but my greatest forfeiture will be the intense auditory relationship with the Equine I have gained from this trip. I will have to discover an alternative to this aspect of the Equine at my studio, but I know it will only be a poor substitute for the amphitheater’s reality.

I am now headed home once again, full of hope and enthusiasm. It was difficult leaving Nikolas and his wondrous home but the anticipation of returning to my work has made it bearable. The first two legs of my return trip are complete and I am now sitting in the Geotrain watching the landscape fly by. The humidity in the atmosphere drops as we head away from the sea and enter the desert belt of New London. The view of the Equine is also transforming, becoming more outlined and focused with every kilometer as the mist dissipates from the air. Unfortunately the new found aural aspects of the Equine are also fading, pushed to the back of my senses and once again becoming a dim echo like drum beats in the distance. I cannot dismiss this sensation entirely even if I desired as it seems to be etched in the chemistry of my being. It remains a constant reminder of my new found affinity with the creature. I am not sure what this will do to my visual representation for the Louvre but I would not negate the encounter I had on the ferry or the amphitheater at the complex even if I could. It was a pivotal point of my time here on New London and an intricate part of my recovery. I must in all fairness give credit to Nikolas as I would still be sitting alone in the dark if not for his ministrations at the end of that first week. I feel this added aspect of my Equine relationship will be beneficial to our project, but we will have to wait and see how it propagates itself into my work. The ultimate test will occur when I am back in the studio with drawing implements in hand. Pointedly I did not bring any of my artistic tools with me on this voyage, not even a pencil, so I will have to be patient for a little longer to try out my theory. I was tempted to produce a graphic representation on my wrist pad just to relieve the suspense but I have abstained from this urge and decided to write to you instead. Ones and zeroes were never meant to represent artistic endeavors although I am sure many neural visionaries will say I am alone in this opinion. Although I love this type of reproduction created directly out of the signals from the brain, they all seem so distant and unemotional as the other categories of the arts. I know we disagree on this subject, but it will not convince me to turn to this alternative when there is nothing else to draw with.

I find myself looking inward on this return journey a little to frequently as I sit alone in my cabin wishing for some outlet for my visions. There are fewer passengers sharing my travels this time so I cannot even use socialization as a distraction. The Equine presence also is not helping as it is just a reminder of what my hand desires to be doing. So once again I have turned to you for comfort and distraction. I can imagine that the staff on board your transport are just starting their emergence from stasis, slowly allowing their thoughts to turn to the preparation of the ship for its rendezvous with the Phycodurus-8. The lab station also will be preparing for your arrival. Arranging your new home for occupancy and saying farewell to the staff that will be exiting their posts. I feel a tinge of envy that you will be seeing the unobstructed view of the Equine soon. As amazing as it is from New London, it is an altogether different animal compared to what you will be privileged to in the next two years. I hope all the equipment I installed for you is producing the results you desire and expect. I have not received any update from the lab planner responsible for the upkeep of your lab since the initial communication almost a year ago. Since her instruction were only to contact me if there were major issues affecting the data output, this seems like a good thing. We will have to see once you arrive and have evaluated the accumulated data, just how successful the lab has performed. This will be the hardest month for me. Trying to concentrate when you are so close. I hope all went according to routine for your stasis during the voyage. There were many augmented people at the mountain complex and I thought of your own addition every time I ran across them. Many had horror stories of their stasis process similar to what Nikolas experienced. Returning to full consciousness unable to move with the surrounding world out of phase with their own condition. For most like Nikolas it was only for a few weeks, but for one woman with sight augmentation she did not return to her normal state for several months after her arrival on New London. As usual many at the mountain complex were adapted by choice, adding a cybernetic device to emphasize one of the attributes of the Equine , but many such as this woman and Nikolas were not, being equipped mechanical or having regenerated adjustments to repair a defect from birth or mishap. My thoughts turned to you every time I saw an obvious replacement limb, happy that you choose the regeneration path. It may be trendy with certain genres but when it is not a choice but a tragic after effect, I don’t think it is ideal to see a daily reminder in the mirror. It does not draw my attention when I look at Nikolas as it did on the Derringer when we first met. It seems to be such a part of him now and an augmentation to his work. Something about the color spectrum and knowing how something will taste without ever having to try it. He attempted several times to explain this superpower of his but I as a mere mortal was unable to comprehend. It is enough to know that he is satisfied with his condition. Not only because he is a generational icon but also a member of the super human race. An Equine cyborg for lack of another nomenclature. I really am going to miss him.

I have received no communication from either Addison or Katryna during my hiatus from the studio, so I hope all is prepared for my arrival. The desire to resume my craft is a bit overwhelming at the moment and I do not want myriads of unpleasant tasks to fill my time before I am able to dedicate myself to my workshop. I hope their silence means all has gone to plan and there are no surprises when I appear.

We are passing into the darkness of the night so I will close for now. , I think I will pursue the meditation guide Nikolas gave me as a parting gift. It is the only memento I took away from that wonderful place and I hope someday I will be able to return, Not only for Nikolas but also for the Equine.

Love always,

Victoria

Project 17 – Progress update – Warning – Genetic engineering used in this area

Almost at the halfway point. The difference between the last project using myriads of colors and this three color creation is huge.

Letters from Victoria- Letter 45

Dear Annalis,

I have just brought to a close my third week with Nikolas and by the end was able to resume the wondrous activities the complex had to offer. I was unaware Nikolas shares my interest in fitness and he joined me on my daily runs. His pace is quite a bit faster than my own since he is fully acclimated to the higher altitude and has significantly longer limbs, but I have risen to the challenge as this plays into my competitive nature. I normally prefer my runs to be a solo activity, but for both the competitive and reclusive side of my nature the activity has done wonders for my recovery. By the end of my visit I had fallen into a daily routine, stabilizing my physical as well as mental health with normality. I am amazed how quickly my system adjusted to the conditions and by the end I was able to match my running duration and speed with that of my desert statistics. This was opportune since the daily culinary meditations with Nikolas would quickly have changed my physique had I not created a counter balance. The evening rituals were not always as elaborate compared to those first two experiences, but they remained a focal point of my daily litany. Nikolas included a few lessons, allowing me to handle his precious utensils during my attempts to duplicate his instructions. I do not think I could ever come close to reproducing any of his amazing creations, but at least my meals will be more palpable when I return to the studio.

It was a bleak day when my visit came to a close. Water dripped from the eaves of the complex and mist shrouded the entire top of the cliff side robbing me of a final glimpse of the Equine from this vantage point. To relieve this disappointment, I made one final visit to the amphitheatre to fill my system with the soothing vibration, saying farewell to the wondrous experience before my departure. I will miss Nikolas, but my greatest forfeiture will be the intense auditory relationship with the Equine I have gained from this trip. I will have to discover an alternative to this aspect of the Equine at my studio, but I know it will only be a poor substitute for the amphitheater’s reality.

I am now headed home once again, full of hope and enthusiasm. It was difficult leaving Nikolas and his wondrous home but the anticipation of returning to my work has made it bearable. The first two legs of my return trip are complete and I am now sitting in the Geotrain watching the landscape fly by. The humidity in the atmosphere drops as we head away from the sea and enter the desert belt of New London. The view of the Equine is also transforming, becoming more outlined and focused with every kilometer as the mist dissipates from the air. Unfortunately the new found aural aspects of the Equine are also fading, pushed to the back of my senses and once again becoming a dim echo like drum beats in the distance. I cannot dismiss this sensation entirely even if I desired as it seems to be etched in the chemistry of my being. It remains a constant reminder of my new found affinity with the creature. I am not sure what this will do to my visual representation for the Louvre but I would not negate the encounter I had on the ferry or the amphitheater at the complex even if I could. It was a pivotal point of my time here on New London and an intricate part of my recovery. I must in all fairness give credit to Nikolas as I would still be sitting alone in the dark if not for his ministrations at the end of that first week. I feel this added aspect of my Equine relationship will be beneficial to our project, but we will have to wait and see how it propagates itself into my work. The ultimate test will occur when I am back in the studio with drawing implements in hand. Pointedly I did not bring any of my artistic tools with me on this voyage, not even a pencil, so I will have to be patient for a little longer to try out my theory. I was tempted to produce a graphic representation on my wrist pad just to relieve the suspense but I have abstained from this urge and decided to write to you instead. Ones and zeroes were never meant to represent artistic endeavors although I am sure many neural visionaries will say I am alone in this opinion. Although I love this type of reproduction created directly out of the signals from the brain, they all seem so distant and unemotional as the other categories of the arts. I know we disagree on this subject, but it will not convince me to turn to this alternative when there is nothing else to draw with.

I find myself looking inward on this return journey a little to frequently as I sit alone in my cabin wishing for some outlet for my visions. There are fewer passengers sharing my travels this time so I cannot even use socialization as a distraction. The Equine presence also is not helping as it is just a reminder of what my hand desires to be doing. So once again I have turned to you for comfort and distraction. I can imagine that the staff on board your transport are just starting their emergence from stasis, slowly allowing their thoughts to turn to the preparation of the ship for its rendezvous with the Phycodurus-8. The lab station also will be preparing for your arrival. Arranging your new home for occupancy and saying farewell to the staff that will be exiting their posts. I feel a tinge of envy that you will be seeing the unobstructed view of the Equine soon. As amazing as it is from New London, it is an altogether different animal compared to what you will be privileged to in the next two years. I hope all the equipment I installed for you is producing the results you desire and expect. I have not received any update from the lab planner responsible for the upkeep of your lab since the initial communication almost a year ago. Since her instruction were only to contact me if there were major issues affecting the data output, this seems like a good thing. We will have to see once you arrive and have evaluated the accumulated data, just how successful the lab has performed. This will be the hardest month for me. Trying to concentrate when you are so close. I hope all went according to routine for your stasis during the voyage. There were many augmented people at the mountain complex and I thought of your own addition every time I ran across them. Many had horror stories of their stasis experience similar to what Nikolas experienced. Returning to full consciousness unable to move with the surrounding world out of phase with their own condition. For most like Nikolas it was only for a few weeks, but for one woman with sight augmentation she did not return to her normal state for several months after her arrival on New London. As usual many at the mountain complex were adapted by choice, adding a cybernetic device to emphasize one of the attributes of the Equine , but many such as this woman and Nikolas were not, being equipped mechanical or regenerated adjustments to repair a defect from birth or mishap. My thoughts turned to you every time I saw a obvious replacement limb, happy that you choose the regeneration path. It may be trendy with certain genres but when it is not a choice but a tragic after effect, I don’t think it is ideal to see a daily reminder in the mirror. It does not draw my attention when I look at Nikolas as it did on the Derringer when we first met. It seems to be such a part of him now and an augmentation to his work. Something about the color spectrum and knowing how something will taste without ever having to try it. He attempted several times to explain this superpower of his but I as a mere mortal was unable to comprehend. It is enough to know that he is satisfied with his condition. Not only because he is a generational icon but also a member of the super human race. An Equine cyborg for lack of another nomenclature. I really am going to miss him.

I have received no communication from either Addison or Katryna during my hiatus from the studio, so I hope all is prepared for my arrival. The desire to resume my craft is a bit overwhelming at the moment and I do not want myriads of unpleasant tasks to fill my time before I am able to dedicate myself to my workshop. I hope their silence means all has gone to plan and there are no surprises when I appear.

We are passing into the darkness of the night so I will close for now. , I think I will pursue the meditation guide Nikolas gave me as a parting gift. It is the only memento I took away from that wonderful place and I hope someday I will be able to return, Not only for Nikolas but also for the Equine.

Love always,

Victoria

Letters from Victoria- Letter 44

The flow of the current buffets against her surface. Life stirs within the long dormant sensors buried deep in the nucleus of her collapsed form. Slowly and tentatively she extends an array of sensors, allowing each to awaken and begin the analyses of the composite creating the tidal phenomenon against her. Even though she condensed her form when grief gripped her, she can still detect the initial disruption her entry has produced in this sector. The outward flow of filaments that were once her fellow creatures, create an eddy around her compact form. Waves propagate outwards from her entry point, echos of the disruption she produced upon her escape from her shrinking cosmos. Interference patterns appear in the strong ebb flowing past her when the waves from her entry meet the waves from her former race originating in a distant emerging point. The sensation is not altogether unpleasant and even though she is but one entity, she is able to withstand the bombardment without losing momentum. It is not discernible how long she has remained in this continuum or even if any time has elapsed since she collapsed into her shell of oblivion, but the changes to her surroundings are immediately evident as the first of her sensor arrays fully extend. The propagation of her fellow companions has been effective. Individual filaments have combined to create energy producing structures, choosing a final frequency to solidify their purpose. The space is still prolific with composite material dispersed from her former home ebbing away from their emerging point searching for their own wavelength to obtain harmony. The tidal sensation now brings comfort in place of the initial aversion that drove her away. She marvels at the new creations her race has become as she studies the surrounding sectors of space. Life giving environments have appeared during her hibernation, beginning a new cycle of existence for her once vast civilization. She begins the process of expansion, allowing her compact form to reach outward to explore this new nearly infinite space.

Dear sister,

This entry has brought peace to my troubled anima. Picturing the emerging world through the Equines vision has renewed my focus on the future ahead. The decision to return to the dream journal right away was a difficult one but I know if I did not I would lose my courage to ever open their pages again. The last entry still does not clarify any time reference for the Equine narrative but the altered mood of the creature in this episode has resulted in the right response in me.

I have returned to the amphitheatre almost every day and it has replace the monolith of contemplation as my favorite haunt here. The auditory relationship I have built with the Equine has been beneficial to my mental repair more than any type of meditation could. Even with my eyes closed the presence of the creature is evident as the vibrations pass through me nervous system. The sound entering my ears combines with the throb of my blood creating a harmonic chord that reaches every point in my body. I can even detect the distant sorrow hidden within the music of the Equine without allowing it to overpower me. It gives me the perception that I am sharing my pain with the creature in such a way that the combining of our rhythms is healing us both. I imagine the vortex created by the sound particles congregating on the center platform of the chamber intermix with the ever innovating mass of the Equines former universe. The experience draws me away from my current location and hurls me once again into the world of the Equine. I see now what is drawing the creature to us. In some eclectic way she is retaining contact with her former existence by creating a bond with matter created by their destruction.

I have tried to expand my experience here by visiting all the areas of the complex but I am continually drawn back to the shell by the sea. There have been no revelations on how to incorporate the auditory aspects of the Equine into our work but the practice has allowed my mind to heal. My psyche has transformed from a black void to a multi-faceted window showing a different view everytime I look within. I find myself once again itching to capture the creature on canvas and return to my work. Once this next week is over I will be prepared to start the next and most difficult phase of our project on my part. I cannot dwell too heavily on this task since it is still months away and your arrival at the space station will occur first. Then I can begin planning for this stage as I will then have your immediate support and advice to fall back on. It will not be easy cutting all contact with the Equine for the duration of this work but we both know how crucial it is. The optimist in me believes I will be fully prepared by then. The pessimist sees disaster and despair. We will have to see which one wins out.

I anxiously await your arrival,

Love

Victoria.

Letters from Victoria – Letter 43

Dearest sister,

My thoughts are with you at the end of this first week at the mountain complex. This morning at first light I finally found the strength to pull myself away from the edge of the abyss I have stood on the last few days. Diving into the Equine journal on my third day here did not guide me to the closure I envisioned. I have been led to the brink of an emotional fissure that I struggled for three days to avoid plummeting into. I have finally moved away from this darkness with the help of Nikolas and am now prepared to relate the following passage to you:

For the first instance since emerging into this space she allows herself to travel away from her chosen temporal span and visit the end of all things. For her is it a beginning, a chance to expand the horizon of her existence. To extend her limits and knowledge. For the others, her intricate companions, an end to their former existence. The revelation returns from the long hidden rooms within her vast network, bringing with it the devastating loneliness it invoked. When her degraded form exited the slice in dark space she became aware that the delicate bonds holding together the energy of her form were strained under the extreme condition they had endured. With great effort and intricate manipulation she completes the emergence into this new existence barely retaining the ability to reform her structure. As her sensors rebuild one unit at a time they begin to pick up vast clouds of filaments propagating this macrocosm. Full realization comes to her when she discerns what here sensors are detecting. The success of her incredible effort has allowed her to retain the ability to reconstruct after her emergence. This is not the fate for her former cohabitants. She has entered into a cosmos consisting exclusively of the remains of her populous. Her first reaction is to pull herself away from what she conceives to be lifeless disintegrated bodies floating around her. The torn apart remains of once beautiful beings capable of wondrous harmonies is all she can visualize. The urge to pull away is difficult to avoid but she forces herself to make a closer examination. She perceives that the surrounding material is not lifeless. Each filament maintains an individual vibration, retaining a semblance of its former identity. She pauses, feeling the music and pattern emissions of each individual particle, analyzing the energy signature as they flow past. Slowly time moves away from the initial event and she begins to observe her once fellow inhabitants begin to take on new form, changing their patterns and frequencies to find new purpose. There is joy in her for a few moments before she realized that even though the basic elements of her former race have survived they will never be capable of returning to their previous form. She is alone in a chaotic universe, the last of her species. The only evidence of her once teaming cosmos. The loss overpowers her and she shuts down, pulling in all sensors and collapsing her vast network.

I could not bring myself to continue with the journal at this point. There are only two entries left and I fear somehow the Equine is slowly pulling away from me and saying goodbye. I found no desire to view the Creature over the last few days as it only brings back the memory of its torment at the loss it had experienced. I felt the full emotional blow as I read through the pages. It was as if the loss was my own. When I finally pulled the curtains to reveal the sunlit world outside this morning I was stunned to see the creature floating above the aquamarine sea just as it has appeared for centuries here. There was no decay apparent in its form as my dark thoughts had envisioned. No withdrawal into the dark, only the ever present vision I had painted almost every day since I was able to hold a paint brush. My mind grasps at the concept that the Equine is relating events long past in this regions history or even something in the far future. I explained my feeling before that time seems a different concept to the entity. I am not sure if this thought comforts me or increases my alarm. I do know this small amount of uncertainty in relationship to the journal meaning allowed me to pull myself away from the hole I was staring into the last few days. I will now have to begin my recovery anew from this point. Nikolas has made a start, actually pulling himself away from his work to assist me out of my dark mood. I am now ready to proceed. My mind has decided this last entry is a chronicle of something in our past and I will not awaken one day to see the Equine collapsing forever beyond my perception. It would be very opportune for the Equine to begin its expansion toward the Flynn foundations sector of space right now. Nothing would relieve me more than the reversal of the vision I saw as I read the last words of the journal entry. Distancing myself from the vision of the actual creature over the last few day and blocking all reminders was not the answer to my dark mood.

I think I will sleep now. I have been reluctant to close my eyes over the last three nights, fearful of what the dawn would bring.

Wishing you better thoughts in deep slumber.

Love

Victoria

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