My thoughts are with you at the end of this first week at the mountain complex. This morning at first light I finally found the strength to pull myself away from the edge of the abyss I have stood on the last few days. Diving into the Equine journal on my third day here did not guide me to the closure I envisioned. I have been led to the brink of an emotional fissure that I struggled for three days to avoid plummeting into. I have finally moved away from this darkness with the help of Nikolas and am now prepared to relate the following passage to you:
For the first instance since emerging into this space she allows herself to travel away from her chosen temporal span and visit the end of all things. For her is it a beginning, a chance to expand the horizon of her existence. To extend her limits and knowledge. For the others, her intricate companions, an end to their former existence. The revelation returns from the long hidden rooms within her vast network, bringing with it the devastating loneliness it invoked. When her degraded form exited the slice in dark space she became aware that the delicate bonds holding together the energy of her form were strained under the extreme condition they had endured. With great effort and intricate manipulation she completes the emergence into this new existence barely retaining the ability to reform her structure. As her sensors rebuild one unit at a time they begin to pick up vast clouds of filaments propagating this macrocosm. Full realization comes to her when she discerns what here sensors are detecting. The success of her incredible effort has allowed her to retain the ability to reconstruct after her emergence. This is not the fate for her former cohabitants. She has entered into a cosmos consisting exclusively of the remains of her populous. Her first reaction is to pull herself away from what she conceives to be lifeless disintegrated bodies floating around her. The torn apart remains of once beautiful beings capable of wondrous harmonies is all she can visualize. The urge to pull away is difficult to avoid but she forces herself to make a closer examination. She perceives that the surrounding material is not lifeless. Each filament maintains an individual vibration, retaining a semblance of its former identity. She pauses, feeling the music and pattern emissions of each individual particle, analyzing the energy signature as they flow past. Slowly time moves away from the initial event and she begins to observe her once fellow inhabitants begin to take on new form, changing their patterns and frequencies to find new purpose. There is joy in her for a few moments before she realized that even though the basic elements of her former race have survived they will never be capable of returning to their previous form. She is alone in a chaotic universe, the last of her species. The only evidence of her once teaming cosmos. The loss overpowers her and she shuts down, pulling in all sensors and collapsing her vast network.
I could not bring myself to continue with the journal at this point. There are only two entries left and I fear somehow the Equine is slowly pulling away from me and saying goodbye. I found no desire to view the Creature over the last few days as it only brings back the memory of its torment at the loss it had experienced. I felt the full emotional blow as I read through the pages. It was as if the loss was my own. When I finally pulled the curtains to reveal the sunlit world outside this morning I was stunned to see the creature floating above the aquamarine sea just as it has appeared for centuries here. There was no decay apparent in its form as my dark thoughts had envisioned. No withdrawal into the dark, only the ever present vision I had painted almost every day since I was able to hold a paint brush. My mind grasps at the concept that the Equine is relating events long past in this regions history or even something in the far future. I explained my feeling before that time seems a different concept to the entity. I am not sure if this thought comforts me or increases my alarm. I do know this small amount of uncertainty in relationship to the journal meaning allowed me to pull myself away from the hole I was staring into the last few days. I will now have to begin my recovery anew from this point. Nikolas has made a start, actually pulling himself away from his work to assist me out of my dark mood. I am now ready to proceed. My mind has decided this last entry is a chronicle of something in our past and I will not awaken one day to see the Equine collapsing forever beyond my perception. It would be very opportune for the Equine to begin its expansion toward the Flynn foundations sector of space right now. Nothing would relieve me more than the reversal of the vision I saw as I read the last words of the journal entry. Distancing myself from the vision of the actual creature over the last few day and blocking all reminders was not the answer to my dark mood.
I think I will sleep now. I have been reluctant to close my eyes over the last three nights, fearful of what the dawn would bring.
Wishing you better thoughts in deep slumber.